Friday, July 29, 2005

Indian guys, white girls, and more...

Comments from another Blog reader: (He posted this on CL in June 04 and forwarded it to me to post on the blog)

I think all you Indian guys on this site whine too much (obviously, since you're at home watching Kal Ho Na Ho for the 17th time instead of going out and getting a life).

Since I'm an Indian guy, and have no trouble dating women (of any ethnicity) maybe you should read this posting...

Here's my $0.02.

Here's the deal (on why white women won't date you) Most of us Indian guys were brought up in a society where we were given plenty of love and attention by family, unconditionally. Now, you want to leave all that behind, and come to this country in pursuit of the almighty dollar, and you expect that white women will give you the same, like your mother did ?

No way, Jose. (Or Sandeep, or Ranjeet, or whatever...)

Women here are more used to men who have a LIFE - don't expect the arranged marriage kind of unconditionality here...

But here's 10 things that could help...

1--- Have things and people that you are really passionate about (coz we all know just how exciting writing code is and how much you look forward to it every day... NOT. Learn to play a musical instrument. Join a book club. Learn to make a simple bechamel sauce. Take a spanish class)

2--- Learn to dress sharp (if you can't carry off a pink shirt, or green shoes, forget it. Back in India, we didn't really have couture - now that you're here, don't stop at nikes and reeboks - know what a kate spade or a manolo blahnik is. And you techies can afford prada shoes, so go out and get some...)

3--- Read the New York Times (like it or not, it's more relevant to life here than reading the Times of India website.)

4--- Learn to have an opinion (learn to think for yourself. Read. Watch. Observe. Discuss. Learn.)

5--- Culinary adventures are good (learn about wine. buy a larousse gastronomique or a joy of cooking. learn how to make a mean sangria. taste at least 40 types of beer. don't eat any type of cuisine more than twice a week. invent a cocktail a week)

6--- Be proud of who you are and where you're from (Stop having a complex about being Indian. we invented the zero. we have the yummiest food in the world. indian clothes rock too. the tabla is the mot difficult percussion instrument to play. india is one of the most secular countries in the world. we have a great liberal and responsible media, unlike the controlled american media. 'nuff said)

7--- Learn to genuinely want to know more about other cultures and people (not just from the point of view of scoring chicks. learn what unites us as people, and what separates us too. have intense conversations.)

8--- Stop judging people (why do you desi guys just want white checks, eh? stop judging black women, or latin women, or asian women. you fuckers stereotype white women, and then complain of people stereotyping you ??? That's fucked up... Learn to respect a woman in every role that she plays, and as a person. Be interested in her life, not just her skin. As a good friend, who is also a white chick, said - drop your boundaries, not your pants)

9--- Personal grooming is good for you (stop buying the cheapest soap at safeway or rite aid. trim your nose hair. gel might make your hair look better. remember, buying neutrogena or aveda will not make you grow breasts or change your hormonal balance. ever heard of the term metrosexual ? Though dated, it still holds some value...)

10--- To sum it up - women are interested in you if you are interested in yourself. Focus on your life. Love yourself and take care of yourself. Nourish yourself intellectually, emotionally, physically and otherwise. only if you feel good about yourself, will anyone else feel good about you. Be interesting, and people will be interested in you. Enuff new agey crap, but it all holds true.

Bring on the hate mail (or write me a note saying you liked this posting...)

I hope someone reads this - all my time and effort !!!

39 Comments:

Blogger swamiland said...

one of the most intresting and worth reading blog I read...funny yet intelligent!
right about one thing INdian do have a commplex, and they look kat you like they looking theough your soul. I dont like the stares

10:24 AM  
Blogger Libran Lover said...

I started to type out a comment here, but my comment was big enough that I thought it better to post it as a blog. Check out my response to this blog here: Indian men and Inter-racial dating

2:55 PM  
Blogger van said...

Also interesting thing to note is that most of the educated indians you see here are geeky types..they had no fun in their entire school life, many might have not even touched women/alcholoc till they actually reached 21 :). I see the similar geeky types lacking the social skill here too..They find it stupid to spend money on things that offer style, but they can spend $$$$ on gadgets and stuff they like. Well its true for both men and women.

4:05 PM  
Blogger Nachiketas said...

Very interesting post. But, all said and done, I can feel the undercurrent that "desi" guys in US want to date a white chick more than anything. While the validity of that generalization might not be too difficult to prove, generalizations per se are inherently flawed right?

BTW, thanks for your tips. That is something a guy can always use.

van,
To each his own. As somebody said, style is what you can get away with. Ever watched David Letterman on The Late show?

12:45 AM  
Blogger Zennman said...

This is a really interesting blog ! I appraoach dating as a non-Indian ritual... everything I do, say, express, is guided by what I see/know/learned from Americans going about it. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me to remain Indian (do we have a concept of dating at all ?) in this regard. My nature and personality and thought are very much Indian, and I am able to present an attractive option for the women I am interested in dating. It is definitely a learning process, but after being here 4 years, and dating for a year, I have been able to get dates fairly easily now... certianly a lot more than a typical American male my age and in my occupation. It probably helps that I am a nice person... and I am also able to be detached from my culture and relegion to present a unitarian figure who understand both the east and the west. In the end I don't think it is about being Indian or American, all it is, is how good of a person you are and how socially-intelligent you are. Good luck with the book !

11:16 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

One thing I find strange about dating indians as a non-indian is that Indians tend to predict future. Some of them think that if they predict there is no future due to various reasons other than the feelings,then he just might as well end it as soon as possible. Who can predict what will happen months or years later? This is one thing that perplexed me for a long time now, and couldn't find out the deeper reason.

Friends and families advised against my dating indians, citing that Indians don't respect women and whatnot. I didn't find it true in that particular respect. But no matter how well-educated the guys are, they'd rather believe in an arranged marriage than a marriage from the fruit of love. To most people, you have to have a connection to be in love and move on to the next level, however that doesn't seem to be the case with Indians. One of my indian dates actually told me that by his observation of the divorce rate in the United States, many people fall in love, get married, then divorced shortly. He would rather enter an arranged “safe” marriage (ie. see an Indian girl for couple of weeks and talk on the phone for a while), then he will be happy with his "two-week" wife. I think the main reason I would not date any indian guys in the future is that I just cannot deal with the practicality issues (or maybe excuses) they put up. Men and Women are not just pawns of the society, they are fresh and blood, you cannot just pour yourself into a mold. You have to face your true feelings.

I am not ruling out the possiblity that it's an atypical example, but until I hear comments otherwise from indian guys themselves, I would deem it true by personal experience.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Bez said...

The Indian men I've worked with have been more respectful of me & willing to value my input in th workplace than most of the American men I work with. And they seem to take more care in personal grooming, etc. than a lot of my other coworkers. So much for stereotypes :)

4:27 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Hi guys,
I have no idea how I arrived here but thank goodness I did because I think I can be of some help..Wow, a lot of work for you guys..The key to minimizing 10 things that could help is move to Texas..You can cut your prep time to 80% at least..for example: Tip #1..BBQ sauce in a bottle..no need to learn to play a musical instrument..Karaoke..you can learn .Ma Vida Loca..Spanish..reading..singing all wrapped up in one neat little package. #2..Jeans and T shirt..these Texas boys can't even pronounce kate spade , manolo blahnik or prada shoes..I'm afraid if you said..Hey,great shoes.."prada"? to one of our guys, he might just reply." Thanks", prouda ya too"..#3 No need to read the Dallas morning news..Just tuck it under your arm and the girls will think you're oozing culture.Just say something like "Stock market".#4 For Pete's sake never have an opinion, it's a recipe for disaster..As they say in Texas "opinions are like assholes ,everybody's got one" #5 The only thing you need to know about wine is which way the spiket comes out..and forget 40 beers..just need to know one..Coors..#6..can't improve on that one..#7..ditto..#8 All true but don't totally rule out dropping your pants..#9..don't need all that..one bottle of old spice and your good to go..shit I had to look up metro-sexual..see what I mean .#10 to sum it all up 90% of the women I know don't give a shit if you're interested in yourself as long as you're interested in them and by all means focus on her life...I'm speaking as a Texas women and this information is not second hand..To prove my point.. My husband died 2 1/2 years ago and I let my friends talk me into a blind date a few weeks ago..let's just say beer,pool,darts, totally clash with nose rings..belly button rings..I pretty much sucked at darts and pool but, if someone would have told me we were playing extreme sports I would have practiced..So all of you Indian guys welcome to Texas..If you decide to move here ,you must learn to say shit and as my contribution to set you on solid footing, I'm giving you #11..
Shit may just be the most
functional word in
the English language.
Consider:
You can be shit faced,
Shit out of luck,
Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get
your shit together,
Find a place for your shit
Or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
Buy shit, sell shit,
Lose shit, find shit,
Forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit,
While others can't tell the
difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits,
Dumb shits,
Crazy shits,
and sweet shits.
There is bull shit,
Horse shit
And chicken shit.
You can throw shit,
Sling shit,
Catch shit,
Shoot the shit,
Or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit
Or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
Or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
Some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
Things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel
like shit.
You can have too much shit,
Not enough shit,
The right shit,
The wrong shit,
Or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
Have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up shit creek
without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch
turns to shit,
And other times you fall in a
bucket of shit
and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts,
It's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit,
You don't need to know anything
By the way..great blog and on the serious side I wish you well and may you find Love, happiness and peace
Gros bisous

1:15 AM  
Blogger Libran Lover said...

Finally, I came round to posting something for the non-Indian women who are interesting in dating Indian men:
Dating Indian Men I
Dating Indian Men II

8:21 PM  
Blogger blueocean5000 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:39 PM  
Blogger blueocean5000 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:40 PM  
Blogger blueocean5000 said...

This is and interesting topic. I was doing a search on black women dating East Indian men. I just wanted to see how many other black women find them attractive besides me; I am an African American who grew up mostly in a white environment in the southern part of the United States. Moreover, dated my first Indian boyfriend in my late 20's.

There are several things that i find that i really like about Indian men beside their exotic features. Of the one's i have known and dated the things i like the most are their world view, global thinking, high intelligence, adaptability, extremely polite, well rounded, well read, highly educated, and calm personality. In addition, I found East Indian men to be very sensual, great kissers, and wonderful lovers.

Now, with that said, yes it is true that there are the traditional family issues that must be worked out. In my case, I found that if the Indian man is somewhat insecure and is the type that needs his family approval then an American woman is not going to stand a chance. However, if he is assured of himself and his place in this world then he will make the best decision for his life. I do ask up front if he is independent from his family and makes his own decision. Some will tell you the truth and most will not. However, it dose not take long to figure it out. You can tell by where he takes you and whom he introduces you to. In this case I drop him fast and move on.

It is not always easy because I know that black woman are not always looked upon as marriage material in a lot of men eye’s. But, for various reason’s can not seem to date American men. They just turn me completely off.

9:50 PM  
Blogger wordofank said...

I am an Indian in a relationship with a "white girl" for over a year.

Its funny to me to hear people say its tough because I think in many ways its harder to find a smart attractive Indian girl to date. For starters if they are remotely attractive they have tons of Indian guys drooling over them and would be generally cocky and stuck up.

Though I grew up here I am very in touch with my roots. I make a trip to India virtually every other year or so and am a big bollywood fan. For me the trick is to do an activity in which you can get to know a girl for a long time...any girl in the US for that matter.

I got involved almost without realizing it. I spent time in college preparing for inter-collegiate debate competitions and got to know one of the girls in the class very well. If your the intellectual type chances are your not gonna find miss right at a bar or club. Your better off using your most powerful asset...?? I'll go into more detail on my blog I guess

9:11 PM  
Blogger wordofank said...

Its funny but I think Indian girls may be harder to catch. The one's brought up here that are remotely attractive are cocky and stuck up. If you want to date outside your race, or date an "American" I can give some advice that augments what has already been said...visit my blog

9:13 PM  
Blogger Babooshka said...

What shite - western civilisations even acknowledge that the Arabs invented "Zero".

Oh but of course there is so much india in your face these days that you've fooled yourselves into thinking you invented everything.

12:23 PM  
Blogger maestro said...

good one. Thanks for educating our guys.. I just wish all the Indian guys here start taking care of themselves and try to dress in par with fashion. Most of the indian guys I know are very outdated and talk funny ( ABCD and FOBS both ). I have seen quite a few attractive indian girls here but without exception with a bad attitude and lacking basic courtsey. So I am going for white girls!

2:00 PM  
Blogger nem said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:20 AM  
Blogger nem said...

"Indian guys talk funny"? for goodness sake, it's called an ACCENT...wherever you are from you, you have one too. And there are imbeciles like you out there who think the way you talk is funny too. How narrow minded are you? Or have you never stepped out into the world from your little white bubble? And just so you know, racism isn't seen as a sign of a manners in ANY respectable society.
Also for babooshka, you either don't know too much about history or you just have so much of arrogance in your face that you think whatever you know, regardless of the sources is correct. The invention of zero is still speculative and many western historians believe that zero was invented independently in more than one civilization, india and mesopotamia (that is now in iraq, incase you don't know) being one of them.
If someone is trying to make their life a little better, there is no need to critize them when you haven't got anything half as useful to say.

3:19 AM  
Blogger Quarks said...

some more things to add

a) give up the indian accent

b) like stephen colbert says.."get a black friend" :) ie. get non-indian friends

c) move out of bay area :)))
[indian stereoptype is strong here]

d) many indian engineers like to think themselves as geeky. But IMHO, most of them are NOT. Geeks are passionate about their techy stuff ex. gates, google boys, firefox dude, teenager who cracked iphone. Most indian engineers are into their jobs because of cash/career/culture/....
IMO..if indians give up this mentality, it can change their lifestyle a little bit.

e) dont keep playing POKER every weekend night.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Dhruv said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:54 PM  
Blogger Michelle26 said...

I am a white girl considering going on a date (lunch) with an Indian man I met on the train on the way home this evening. I have no experience dating anyone outside my race. Not that I'm opposed to it, just haven't had the opportunity. This man seems very nice, well-educated, and interesting. He moved to Canada from India in 2004 to go to school.

When I told my Mother about this she got very concerned. She warned me that women are treated very poorly by Indian men and that women are considered as much less than equal. She also warned me that Indian men will often seek out white women simply for sex but would never be in a serious relationship with one or consider introducing them to their family etc. I'm a very liberal person and I don't think in 2007 it's a good idea to generalize an entire culture based on stereotypes but I would like to know, is there any truth to what she says? Should I be concerned? Also, I can say with conviction right now that, as a non-religious person, I would never consider converting or raising children in another religion. Is it pretty much a garauntee that, if a man moved here from India just a few years ago, he would be strictly religious (Muslim, Hindu, Shiek) no matter what? Or are there people in India that are not religious?

I appreciate the advice and welcome any thoughts on the subject.

Thanks!

6:02 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Here is my whole thing I am a white girl. And I personally think im attractive you know im blond and whatever, and I totally dig Indian guys. But they dont give me the time of day. I really dont get it. I can get white guys but when it comes to Indian guys they seem to look the other way! Any advice?

3:48 PM  
Blogger Pratik Stephen said...

Katie..
Indian guys just aint that easy!
*chuckle*
Ok on a serious note..
Indian guys are NOT used to going up to random strangers (as attractive as they might be) and introducing themselves..
You need to make a little effort with the Indian Guys..
Get to know them indirectly.. Through some common activity/class/friends..

Email me.. and I'll give you some more tips..
(And dont forget to send me a picture!)
; )

6:04 AM  
Blogger Odaa said...

Michelle26,

First generation Indians will be close to their religion, language just like any other first generation immigrants.

There are Indians who do not give a lot of importance to their religion.

Regarding, white women seen as "objects" - it is true that there are a few that do hold onto such ideas. You can gain a lot of "respect" if you refrain from any physical closeness - at least during the initial phase of your relationship.

11:48 PM  
Blogger Chazzie said...

hi all :)

I live in South Africa. im a white girl..I met this indian guy and i fell in love! he is the greatest guy in the world! treats me like a princess!!!! i used to always tell myself il never date an indian... but then i met chris! who i now plan on marrying!!

my paretns were so anti it but my mom loves him too bits now!!my dad hasnt met him yet as my parents are divorsed.. but i dont reli care what he's got to say :) i love my chris more than anything! cant wait to get married to him!!

10:55 AM  
Blogger Enigma said...

I loved this post! :)
I am an Indian woman, living in the US for the past 2 years and I must admit I run into more of the type of Indian men hinted at in your post than the smart, cultured Indian men.. (may be I am just not that lucky yet.. ) The former may be nice men at heart, but I couldn't sit at the same table with them if they have body odor or cannot dress in a presentable manner.. if not designer labels..

Yes, another thing is many of them are letchers --if I may use the old formation -- when it comes to white women and it is very repulsive.. it just shows all they want from a woman... and mind you... only education doesn't make them any good... there is so much of the 'being civilized' factor.. which most of them lack... a 'huge' turnoff..

7:32 PM  
Blogger Outsourcement said...

Katie, Oda and other American girls: I apologize on behalf of all the desis who goofed up things. But all Indian men are not the same. I would love to meet up with you sometime and show you that there are very romanic Indian men out there who treat women in the highest esteem. In fact Indian men make the best husbands in the world. If you want to be my friend, write to me: "ecotrin" at hot mail... Hope to hear soon. Sam.

11:48 PM  
Blogger Mr. said...

Pure bullshit! dude i never changed myself and will never change to get a date with whites or who so ever. i lived in few countries before coming to US and never struggled to find a date. Simple theory I am what I am, know how to treat & entertain ppl, like it or not. I don't find anything great here for anyone to change. more than anything i think the writer its self is a looser & has no self confidence. Be proud of being Indian and be what every you wannabe. who cares what others think.

6:45 PM  
Blogger Raj said...

Do any of you indian or non-indian..men or women genius in their mind occur to you when an indian man complain about why he can't get a white girl might beceause he is ugly, or has beer belly, or bold or have fat old glasses or doesnt have enough teeth or not having them in order...? that 10 point adive idiot must be owning a gas station or 7-11,and have illegal indians working for him for $7-$8 an hour under the table..so he got nothing to do but acting like a GOD for indian guys..

For non-indian women(white/blk/hispanic/asian etc.) I am willing to bet 100G that everytime some non-white women say that she is dating an indian guy or she is married to an indian guy(reading between lines)not becuase they love their culture or find them exotic or good looking but the honest truth is that tht non-white female can't find good looking and/or rich person inside their own race so that means she must be an avg. looking or fatso or not well groomed..thts the reason you went outside of your race..if you ask them any of this non-white female to post their face picture so ppl can see how fat or ugly they are..and ppl can honestly see why you went out of your race to marry an indian guy...plzzzz stop this BS.any girl from any culture ,dating and/or marrying an indian guy is the last choice or desprate attempt to get a bf or hubby..
btw, i am an indian guy.anyone wanna challenge or comment on my post.here is the email address:
eskdaydist@yahoo.com

6:28 PM  
Blogger Raj said...

And for those indian guys who have dated white girls,and act like they owe some advice to guys who are looking to date white girls or havent gotten a chance to date one..i will challenge them to post their pictures too,and i am willing to bet anything that none of those idiots have good-looking dates or good-looking wifes..either they are B or C grade, pettie or fatso or been around the block so much tht every guys knows who she is except an indian idiot (since they are not allow to have fun or goto club or hangout at bars or socialize)..they just think white cholocate,and jump in..

6:37 PM  
Blogger baz said...

Does it matter who we date as long as the intentions are good?

- Indian Dating UK
- Hindu Dating
- Sikh Dating
- Muslim Dating

4:45 AM  
Blogger - said...

Damn! This list needs to be handed at every desi airport before any1 takes off! Some desis spoil it for others! Hopefully it will change

12:57 AM  
Blogger Ritesh Vasudevan said...

Seriously ur blog got me hooked if not hooked up :)..Very true very interesting write :)

10:38 PM  
Blogger Roody1781 said...

All these people here giving advice on how to be and how not to be ...blah blah blah...fukin grow up. ABCD's are the most insecure people I have ever known. Preaching stuff like the ten point list?? Dude I aint gonna follow the ten point list and still get any girl I want!! Come grab me by the balls. Reason is because FOBs are NOT INSECURE. They do whateva the fuck they wanna do however awkward/silly/dirty it might be. Unlike the ABCD's trying to fit the bloody mold.

1:34 AM  
Blogger hurt in tx said...

my Indian boyfriend of 2 yrs ,went to India to get married he told me he doesn't want to get married ,but that he has to.he still e-mails me.I'm tired of his lies and manipulation. Indian guys leave a double life. No one knows about me.His parents think he is still a virgin. How dumb can the Indian girls be? Please spread the word and I hope all the Indian girls who marry these guys know that these Indian guys who come to America are no saints. The India guys are big fat Liars. Girls in America,stay away from them.they just want to get into your pants.

11:08 PM  
Blogger leena said...

Wow you are totally talking about my boyfriend Aneil. He did everything you said to do and won me over (before I met him). Hes is the sexiest man I have ever met. But I think family wont let us be together, it was going great for two years than he presented a ring and said we will get married. Ever since than (one year ago) its been very difficult for him to talk to me about planning a marriage. I dont know what to do?

1:02 PM  
Blogger juls corp said...

I think Indian men are very passionate and great lovers. It can be hard for us American woman to compare to the expectations at some point.

10:48 AM  
Blogger Ss Ss said...

I adore indian men and I'm a white woman. If you are my age 45 or older up to 60 and Indian. I don't see anything wrong with it. You are attracted to who you are, fawnn@ymail.com

4:04 PM  
Blogger Ss Ss said...

I adoe Indian men and I'm a white woman 45 years of age, I'd like to meeet a nice decent indian man MY AGE or older. fawnn@ymail.com

4:05 PM  

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